Virtual therapy in Los Angeles and across California
Therapy for Self Esteem
Find Your Voice. Develop Your Confidence. Know Your Worth.
You’re tired of feeling like you’re not good enough.
Lately, things have felt a little off. You go about your day, doing all the normal things - school, work, friends, family… rinse, wash, repeat. But you find yourself sagging under the weight of all of your responsibilities, knowing that if you ask for help, you’ll feel like a failure. You try to fit in some self care, but face masks and bubble baths don’t quite do the trick. And besides, your friend needs a shoulder to cry on, your boss just gave you yet another assignment, your classmate isn’t pulling their weight on the project, your parents keep guilt tripping you into coming home for a visit, the kids have homework, sports, and dinner that needs cooking… The never ending barrage just makes you feel like trash.
Most of the time you can go about your life, no problem. You have a routine and a comfort zone that gets you by. Until something new comes up - more responsibility at work, trying to make new friends, dating, conflict with a loved one… then the doubt creeps in.
“What if I fail?”
“No one’s going to want to be my friend.”
“I’ll never find a match on these dating apps.”
“Do I even deserve this good thing?”
You’re tired of feeling like you’re not enough.
The way you view yourself isn’t always what you show the world. On the outside, you look like you have it all together - good grades, solid performance reviews at work, fiercely independent. It’s giving high achiever energy. On the inside though, there’s doubt. Fear that those grades and accolades are temporary. Or worse, that all the praise you receive isn’t even true. “If they only knew the real me…”
Sound familiar?
Here’s the thing.
Fierce independence looks cool, but often feels like loneliness. High achiever energy sounds great, until you’re burnt out from doing ALL THE THINGS only to still feel like a failure. Letting people in feels impossible. Asking for help? Yea right. So you shoulder the weight on your own, never living up to the impossible standards and rigid rules you have set for yourself.
What if it didn’t have to be this way?
Helping you embrace your inherent worth.
What if what you believe to be true about yourself could shift? If you truly, deep down in your soul, believed that you were valuable, important, and worthy. No caveats, no qualifiers, no fine print. How would you show up differently in the world?
Maybe that looks like:
Doing fun things again because you’re no longer hustling to prove yourself (I see you, abandoned hobbies and unread books).
Asking for and receiving help, because perfection is no longer the defining characteristic you have to maintain at all times.
Feeling connected to loved ones because you trust them with your full self.
Aiming for that promotion because whether you achieve it or not, your value as a human doesn’t change.
Exiting that toxic situationship because you know you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.
Setting boundaries because you finally realized you’re not a doormat and your needs are important too.
Prioritizing your health and happiness instead of letting everything be at your expense.
So, what does therapy look like?
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Insight
In our therapy, we will go on a journey to understand how all your lived experiences have led you to this point, uncovering root causes, negative life experiences, and unhelpful messages from others that led you to believe you are unworthy and never good enough.
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Change
Armed with this knowledge and insight, we will uncover the rules and assumptions you live by and explore whether they are helping or hindering you, challenging and changing any behavior or thoughts that are getting in your way of truly embracing your inherent worth.
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Sustainability
With my support, you will integrate these changes into your daily life, focusing on realistic and intentional steps that you can sustain even when therapy is over. You will walk into the next stages of your journey with a new mindset, knowing that practice makes progress.
Therapy for Self Confidence can help you…
Break the cycle of unhelpful rules, assumptions, and behaviors keeping you stuck.
Learn how to say “No” and actually hold the line instead of trying to make everyone else around you happy while you stay miserable.
Learn how to say “YES!” to new opportunities rather than be paralyzed by fear of failure.
Engage in true self-care, knowing you deserve to feel replenished.
Get to know the real you, not the “you” everyone else thinks you should be.
Recognize when someone is treating you poorly and have the courage to stand up for yourself.
Embrace and love yourself, flaws and all.
Frequently asked questions about therapy for self esteem
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Low self esteem is when someone has an overall negative opinion of themself. Most people fall into self-criticism sometimes - the difference here is when you believe the self criticism to be factually true about you. These so-called “facts” are commonly referred to as core beliefs - something you believe deep down, sometimes so deep you don’t even realize it’s there.
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Positive self esteem is basically the opposite of negative self esteem. Those core beliefs you hold are overall positive and affirming. And because our thoughts/beliefs have a direct impact on our behavior, positive self esteem leads to engaging in life differently - trying new things, taking risks, setting boundaries, living courageously - all while feeling secure in your inherent worth as a human.
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A lot of factors can influence our self esteem. Negative or low self esteem is often born from negative life experiences. That could be something as extreme or overt as trauma, or something as subtle as neglect or bullying. As you grow and learn as a child, you’re integrating a lot of messaging from the world and building your personal foundation on how to navigate life. Unfortunately that foundation is not always stable, leading to a view of yourself as unworthy or undeserving.
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We can see signs of low self esteem in the ways we think and behave. That might look like:
Putting others’ needs first at the expense of yourself
Minimizing or negating positive qualities or accomplishments
Never asking for help
Passive, passive aggressive, or aggressive communication patterns with others
Overachieving and perfectionism to make up for or hide from feeling not good enough
People pleasing
Avoidance of trying new things or taking risks for fear of failing or being judged
Underachieving and self sabotage - because if people don’t have high expectations of me, they won’t realize that I’m actually not good at anything
Poor boundaries and difficulty protecting your energy and resources from being depleted on a regular basis.
…and more.
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Perfectionism is actually a really common sign of low self esteem. Expecting yourself to be perfect in everything you do is one of the ways people try to protect themselves from the negative emotions that come with low self esteem. You might have a thought like “If I do that xyz perfectly, I know I’m good enough.” This is a rule that’s been established and an assumption being made, essentially keeping the blinders on so you don’t have to see the thing you believe deep down.
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Often people with low self esteem experience anxiety and/or depression. When a situation comes up that forces you to confront those negative core beliefs (instead of ignoring the elephant in the room), it can feel really jarring. You may feel nervous about doing something new/different than your routine or you may feel hopeless about ever being good enough. You can think of low self esteem, anxiety, and depression like a group of best friends - they’re not the same thing, but they sure do hang out together a lot.